A Christmas Signature
Add this to the bottom of your corporate emails, go on, no-one will notice! Really!
Feel free to add to it if I have missed anything.
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Email claimer: This email and any attachments will not contain any confidential information. It is not legally privileged and/or the subject of copyright because the content will not have any commercial value whatsoever and may have little or no artistic merit. If you are not an intended recipient it does not really matter as the content in the email will probably be vague, mis-directed and I may not have even identified myself in the subject or body of the text. It will no doubt exhibit poor sentence construction and questionable grammar, you may copy, forward, disclose, save or use any part of it as it is likely to have no value to its author. I have no doubt that the physical size of this (dis)claimer will be larger than the size of the average email I send, making it possible to DOUBLE my companies profits and HALVE their IT bandwidth costs simply by either deleting my messages and just sending the email disclaimer or simply not using email. If you have received this email in error [probably], please do not notify the sender as it was probably sent by a virus on my system. Of course, you may also get a “recall email” message from me as well, just to demonstrate that I have no idea that the whole world does not use the same corporate version of my email system. Although this email has been checked for spelling mistakes , we could not afford the ridiculous virus checker software and “IT” won’t let us use Apple Macs. I do not respect your privacy, if I did, I would not have added your email address [both personal and business] to a ridiculously long email address list and then publicise your email, along with the other 279 addresses in my Xmas mail list to everyone else, not taking the time to hide my list in the “bcc” line. I apologise if you have received this email later than expected, it is highly likely that our network has been shutdown again for a security breach and thus the IT department has determined that the best productivity improvement they can make [rather than designing a network for users] is to simply block all access to staff for an indeterminate period of time. I will now attach my ACTUAL signature as a coloured gif image, further adding to the size of this signature and inviting genuine fraud and misuse of my signature by anyone on this list or the thousands of others who will get it because someone else’s virus will forward it on. I will also add an animated company logo and numerous web links, just to ensure I activate your own companies spam-filtering systems, ensuring that at least half of the people I send this to will not receive it. Thank you.
